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The Weekend Neos Kosmos : 24 December 2016
22 THE WEEKEND NEOS KOSMOS | SATURDAY 24 DECEMBER 2016 DIGITAL.NEOSKOSMOS.COM 2017 Predictions that will come true Neos Kosmos is reviving the old Greek newspaper tradition of predicting the future. Here's our own Kazamias for the next year VANGELIS TSONOS “grab him by the p***y”. Paris' reply is “don't worry Mr President, that's my field of expertise”. As 2016 salutes us, let's roll on our inner Nostradamus for 2017. Remember, you read it here first. To say that 2016 has been a tough year would be an understatement. We lost so many legends, Donald Trump got elected US President, the EU is rapidly falling apart, and Kanye West had a mental breakdown. But 2017 is going to be even whackier. Here's a month-by-month breakdown of what's in store: January Donald Trump takes his presidential oath of office. He immediately fires all members of his cabinet via expletive-filled tweet and hands the Vice Presidency to his number one fan, Paris Hilton. Her first delicate assignment is secret talks with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. Trump's final piece of advice is to February After months of boiling tension in Greek-Turkish relations, Defense Minister Panos Kammenos decides that enough is enough. During a surprise visit to Turkey he stands on the Bosphorus Bridge with a baseball bat, wearing only his tighty whities and an 'Erdo-GONE' t-shirt. Prime Minister Tsipras denies any knowledge and begs President Obama to sort out this mess. His assistant tells him that he's out in the gym playing hoops with Luc Longley. He'll hold. March Hollywood puts a halt on all movie productions, with the exception of 80s movie sequels with all-female casts. The Goonies, April Influential fashion bloggers, food critics, and highly-rated Uber drivers from around the globe form the WEIA (We Are Important Association). They seek to negotiate a collective bargaining agreement with their respective states that includes retirement packages and free Snapchat shares, but talks break down when they demand a lifetime supply of quinoa for all members. May Disappointed by the ineptitude of his cabinet, Prime Minister Tsipras seeks the help of well-known Greek Australians. He of- Platoon, The Breakfast Club, This Is Spinal Tap, even Crocodile Dundee get their due reboot, all of them starring the Kardashian sisters, as every other actress is ruled out due to low numbers of Instagram followers.
17 December 2016
7 January 2017